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I Can't Do It

I haven't been bothered by a game like I have been by this one in a long time. Not even That Game last year at PNC. You know the one. Pirates had the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth. Nobody out. Three batters all struck out. That was maddening. That was frustrating. The sweep at the hands of the Royals. Maddening. Frustrating. Blowing that huge lead against the D-Backs earlier this season? Maddening. Frustrating.

But it didn't eat at me like this one. We can't just lose a game. We have to come up with a brand new way to do it. Maybe I've got a guy like Matt Capps on too much of a pedestal, but he quite literally is the only relief pitcher Pirates fans are comfortable with. The only one!! And he was busting his ass out there in what had to be an immensely pressure-filled situation, and was just absolutely let down.

I think yesterday's draft is more responsible for this feeling than the game itself. But to follow that godawful performance with this immense dissappointment tonight? My wife's described my Pirates' fandom as something similar to a battered wife/abusive husband relationship, and that analogy might be overstating it just a tad, but how long can I (we) put up with this? The failures, the abuse (of our pocketbooks!!), the neglect, and the occassional, faint, just-enough-to-bring-you-back hope that maybe, just maybe, they're turning things around.

I've long thought that I never really can give up on the Pirates. I identify my childhood extremely closely with my love of baseball. Baseball was my childhood, and of course the Pirates were the team I chose. To give up on the Pirates is to cut ties with my childhood, and I just can't bring myself to do it. I know sports fans like to talk about the "pain" of defeat, but to do that would, I think, be something painful to me.

I can't give up on the Pirates because I want to be a little kid again. My first baseball game was freaking Game Three of the 1992 NLCS. I want to be in the stands again the next time the Pirates enjoy glory again. I can't just leave and come back. That wouldn't be right. I know that if the Pirates ever rose again, and I had quit on them (and on myself), I wouldn't be able to truly enjoy that triumph.

I'm rambling uncontrollably now. I am intrigued by sociological study of sport, specifically that modern sport is an awful lot like religion. The symbols, the "saints", the leaders, the congregations. I almost feel like ditching the Pirates would be harder than converting my religion. I can withhold my money from the McNuttings. But I can't withhold my fandom from the Pirates.

I always get overwhelmingly sad whenever I sit and think about sports and myself this way. I just want to be a happy little kid again. I want to sit in the "cheap" outfield seats at Game Three surrounded by a bunch of other little kids, both literal and figurative, and watch my boyhood heros win. And I honestly get a bit choked up that it really doesn't seem like I'll ever feel that feeling again. This hopelessness is stifling.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the managing editor (Charlie) or SB Nation. FanPosts are written by Bucs Dugout readers.

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I am right there with you, amigo.  I get incredibly frustrated.  I get ridiculously angry.

Last season, after "The Game," you may recall I decided to flat out resign my Pirates "P" hat for the "P" hat of the Phillies.  I thought to myself, "If the Pirates are not capable of playing even fundamental baseball, why should I support them?"  After three weeks I simply could not take it anymore.  I needed to come back to the ship.  My life felt like it was a little bit empty.

This year though, things are just different.  My loathing of the Pirates does not come just from their terrible play; that's to be expected. Instead, it's the realization that the ownership really does not care one way or the other if this team competes.  All they're interested in is ticket sales and concessions and their profit sharing dollars.  Until this year I really didn't want to believe that the Pirates are the Los Angeles Clippers of Major League Baseball.  Ownership understands that you don't have to win to make money, and that's disappointing.  

If you are to give up on the Pirates you need to give up on every team and every level of Major League Baseball and embrace independent leagues.  I think to myself that it wouldn't be that difficult to get rid of the Pirates, since I live in Lancaster and we have the Atlantic League champion Barnstormers.  But I know better.  

I'm a Pittsburgh Pirates fan for life.  Good or bad.  But I refuse to spend any money on ANY MLB product until things change.  I will support my team emotionally with great vigor, but I will not continue to support an ownership group that has no concern for its' fans.

by bryanzane on Jun 9, 2007 12:01 AM EDT reply actions  

absolutely
"I think yesterday's draft is more responsible for this feeling than the game itself."

Totally, and I felt the same way after seeing Littlefield's haul at the trade deadline. Just this feeling of utter hopelessness. It really is tough to root for a team when you don't think much of its players (aside from the few good ones) and you have contempt for the management.

by bolton on Jun 9, 2007 2:57 AM EDT reply actions  

I think the trade deadline...
...was my low point.  I'm in Missouri and don't see many games, so I only read about 'That Game'...but the trade deadline was something tangible...it took me a week just to rant about it, I was so traumatized...

by Bill C. on Jun 9, 2007 10:21 AM EDT up reply actions  

Walker and Moskos
I think my math and history is correct here to say that Neil Walker and Moskos would have been in the same recruiting class at Clemson in '04.  Neil was drafted that year, and Moskos was a junior this year, which means his freshman year ended in '05, so part of the '04 class.  

Not sure it has any relevance.  But it occurred to me.

by hisjazziness on Jun 9, 2007 4:01 AM EDT reply actions  

speaking of moskos
here is our fearless leader mcclatchy:

"Sure you're conscious of [media criticism] and aware of [fan displeasure], but...if this player turns out to be successful for the Pittsburgh Pirates, I think people will look back and say, 'This was a good draft.'"

i really don't think it's that simple, kev.

by Geeves28 on Jun 9, 2007 9:04 AM EDT reply actions  

I agree it is frustrating
I am old Pirates fan.

I listened to the 1960 World Series on radio. Bill Virdon, Don Hoak, Bob Friend, Elroy Face, Harvey Haddix, Dick Groat, Dick Schoefield, Maz, and others took the blows from the hated Yankees and keep coming back. Lose by 10 runs, win by 1 run. Battle every day. Don't give up until the last out.

I watched the '71 and '79 teams battle to World Championships against the O's and Earl Weaver. The Great One, Pops, Steve Blass, Kent Tekulve, Dave Parker, Phil Garner, and others show leadership, pride, and poise under pressure.

I watched the '92 Bucs lose on Cabera's line drive inches over Jay Bell's glove and Bond's terrible throw to the plate. How can you not throw out Sid Bream?

I never really followed the draft much. I do recall the Pirate's signing Bob Bailey to be the next Hall of Fame 3rd baseman way back when. Other than that, I figured it was just luck who was drafted and who made it to the show.

However, today it is different. The Pirate's need  better everyday players. That is why I agree that this draft was terrible. How could (other than to save $) can the Pirates pass up any potential hitter to draft another pitcher? Are you kidding me? We have enough Dukes, Maholms, etc. We don't have another Dave Parker, Willie Stargell, Barry Bonds in the minors. Other than Bond's in the 80's, what hitter has come from our farm system in any recent times? Van Sylke, Giles and Bay were via trades.

I agree that this ownership does not appear to care about winning as much as it cares about $. That being said, I am a Pirates fan and pledge not to switch until the Pirates leave Pittsburgh.

My grandfather (a Pirates fan for his 60+ years) suffered thru the poor teams in the 50's and 60's, so I will suffer thru these teams until we win again.

Maybe I too am trying to keep or get back my wonder of the game I had as a kid. But that is why we love baseball!

by zogger on Jun 9, 2007 9:45 AM EDT reply actions  

I can do it
I quit on a Pittsburgh team once before. True story. I was a Penguins fan from day 1, went to dozens of games while I was in college, put up with a lot of crappy hockey, and then they got even worse and bottomed out in the mid-'80s, while I lived out of state (it's how they ended up with Mario).

Anyway, a guy I worked with and I would talk Penguins, and I often noted that they seemed to have on-ice talent or at least were accumulating it and didn't seem to mind spending the money on it but that they always always ALWAYS went cheap on a coach.

And I would say, "They need to just hire, like, Scotty Bowman and give him a blank check and five years and say, 'Win the Cup.'"

So the Pens are in their biannual coach search and I'm on the copy desk at my newspaper the day a story moves that lists the candidates for the job, and there among the obscurities and minor-leaguers and nobodies is the name ... Scotty Bowman.

And for about five seconds I was elated. "Scotty Bowman wants the Penguins job? I can't believe it!"

And then I realized: They're not going to hire Scotty Bowman. They're going to hire one of these chumps and skate on the cheap again, like they always do. And that's what they did (I think it was Pierre Creamer, or maybe Eddie Johnston, I don't know and don't care).

And that's the day I quit being a Penguins fan. And yeah, I was OK that they won their two Cups six or seven years later, but I couldn't help thinking how many years of Mario they wasted (and later Jagr too) before they got wise and hired ... who? ... Scotty freakin' Bowman, who got them ... what? ... a Stanley Cup.

So I couldn't really enjoy the Cups, I was still too pissed. And to this day I'm a lukewarm or cooler Penguins ... I can't call it "fan." Observer, I guess.

I'm just spewing all this as a warning to the Pirates: I dumped the Pens after almost 20 years. You can be dead to me after 40. I'm watching you cheapjack lying bastards verrrrrrrry closely the rest of the year. This marriage is on shaky ground.

by bucdaddy on Jun 9, 2007 10:16 AM EDT reply actions  

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