This link totally cracked me up:

http://www.sportspickle.com/features/volume8/2008-1126-pirates.html

not a bad idea, as a backup plan I think we should try to sign Goro from Mortal Kombat - that would at least cover 4/5 of the starting rotation.  Perhaps religious icons and/or comic book or video game characters could be a real gold mine for us.  While we are at it we could sign Saul or Ward from New York in the original NES Little League Baseball game. :)