Yesterday afternoon my wife went to get a haircut, so my 8-month old son and I had the place to ourselves.  I turned on the tv to WGN, to see if the Pirates game was televised, and sure enough it was:  bottom of the 5th inning, 5-3 cubs.  We watched Osoria give up two quick hits and a run, then Fontenot hit for pitcher Ryan Dempster.  As we watched Adam 'Useless in April' LaRoche fumble an easy ground ball, my son made perhaps the most fitting and succinct criticism of how the Pittsburgh Pirates were playing:

He filled his diaper with his smelliest load of poop to date.

We left the room to change his diaper, and returned to find it was still the bottom of the 5th inning, and the score was now 10-3.  We'd missed another error on what should have been an inning-ending double play, which was immediately followed by a 2-run homer from A-Ram, before the inning mercifully ended.

We watched Ryan Doumit launch a solo home run in the top of the 6th inning, and then in the bottom of the 6th watched Marte walk the bases loaded before I decided to conserve diapers and change the channel.    Sure, his reaction to the Pirates' crappy play may have been a coincidence (although certainly appropriate), but there was no sense risking the poor tot more grief.  (I should have spared my self the grief of checking the score later last night, but I digress.)

So now the Pirates are 7-11, third-worst in the National League.  Despite a league-leading 24 errors and all those extra-inning games, the Pirates now have a ML-worst 5.71 team ERA, and a ML-worst 1.69 WHIP.  Stock up on toilet paper and diapers for your kiddos, folks, because it's going to be a looooong year.