PIRATES LOSE TO _________, DROP __TH IN A ROW

Pirates starter _____   _______ gave up ___ runs in the first inning, thanks to subpar stuff and errors by _____  ______ and ____  _____. Led by Nate McLouth and ____  _____, the Pirates attempted to mount a comeback after the starter's exit in the second inning but, shockingly, a lineup that featured _____  _____, ____  _____, and ___  _____ (pick three: Adam LaRoche / Ronny Paulino / Brian Bixler / 0-for-3vas) was unable to muster more than half the runs the Pirates needed. The middle innings felt like a ______________________ (pick one: "Beckett play," "magical realist novel," "ton of bricks being dropped on your groin") , as the Pirates __________________ (pick one: "pathetically failed to make progress," "kept allowing runs"). The game led to speculation that __ ________, ____ _______, and ____ _____ (pick three: Adam LaRoche, Matt Morris, Jose Bautista, Brian Bixler, Evan Meek, 0-for-3vas, Tom Gorzelanny, Phil Dumatrait, Zach Duke, Franquelis Osoria, Nyjer Morgan, Freddy Sanchez) are on ___________ (pick one: "their way off the roster," "the opposing team's payroll," "barbiturates"). Either way, the Pirates' performance was ________ (pick one: "hilarious," "excruciating") as always.