FanPost

Headlines from a Reasonably Optomistic Pirates Future

Being forced to watch a Brewers Cardinals NLCS is almost as bad as seeing Jerry Meals behind the plate in an extra inning game. Being forced to watch a Brewers Cardinals NLCS is even worse when you realize that while it will be fun watching one of those teams lose, it doesnt get better with the possibility of watching one of our hated rivals play either a team from Dallas or Detroit. Seriously think about that, either we get stuck dealing with the thought that either Cowboys fans, Red Wings fans, Prince & Braun or Tony Larussa being happy. Well at least we can still read about our team right? Hey maybe Robbie Grossman hit another home run in the AFL right? Oh right, our management team (which for the record I still believe in) doesn't ever talk to the media unless it's to either pat themselves on the back or to reveal to the rest of the league that the potential trade piece they have is completely worthless. Yep, the Pirates have no interest in keeping Paul Maholm, which means that no GM in their right mind will send us even Bobby Hill in exchange for us excercising that option. Oh yeah, and Charlie Morton just had the same hip surgery as my Grandfather (thank god I just wrote a post about his offseason being a key to the Pirates having a good winter).

But before you go down ere to pants n'at to git yourself a nice fancy new belt to hang yourself with, here are some of the potential headlines and a blurb summary of what the article is about, that you could be reading over the next year. Take a look after the jump. (writer's note: this is an attempt to state things that could happen, not a utopian return to the 70s, but stuff that might actually make Bucs fans a little happier).

 

Brewers swept in World Series by Tigers

Today, Prince Fielder new his days as a Brewer were numbered as he turned and watched shocking world series MVP Don Kelly hit his record setting 6th home run off Zach Greinke in the 4th. Prince has decided to opt for Free Agency vowing to keep his promise not to return as a Brewer if the team didn't win the World Series. (Hey if Red Wings fans are going to be happy, it may as well be because a native Pittsburgher did it. Oh yeah, and Braun won't hit as well without the big fella and the Brewers just won't be the same squad)

Pirates Front Office not total dumbasses

 

Today, the Pirates finally offically decline the option on Paul Maholm, with teams salivating and Paul's agent insulted, the Pirates Front Office takes full advantage of their ability to piss off agents and offer arbitration instead and are immediately declined. The Pirates realizing that Maholm's WAR of the past 2 years of 4.1 made him a Type B Free Agent. (ok, that's not awesome, but hey finding out you get an extra pick around where we got Bell, Scheppers and Dickerson is better than finding out we gave him up for nothing)

Bud Selig, Players Association Agree To Terms

 

Major League Baseball Commisioner Bud Selig today announced that a new collective bargaining agreement was signed today. While Mr. Selig was unable to get mandatory slotting for the Rule IV Draft he wanted, but was able to get mandatory HGH and other drug testing to be switched from being urine samples to blood samples, and for testing to be required at random during the offseason. The first tests were just submitted and the results are expected back soon. (Yeah... Albert Pujol's Body can grow that much without major injury... hello 50 game suspension, good bye Cardinals)

Bud Selig, Players Association Agree To Terms

 

Major League Baseball Commisioner Bud Selig today announced that a new collective bargaining agreement was signed today. While Mr. Selig was unable to get mandatory slotting for the Rule IV Draft he wanted, but was able to get mandatory HGH and other drug testing to be switched from being urine samples to blood samples, and for testing to be required at random during the offseason. The first tests were just submitted and the results are expected back soon. A key victory for the players was scored with the installation of an 65 million dollar payroll floor (Yeah... Albert Pujol's Body can grow that much without major injury... hello 50 game suspension, good bye Cardinals)

Pirates Exteremely Active on First Day of Free Agency

The Pirates today have come to terms with Edinson Volquez (2 year deal 6.5 mill per team option 9.5), Mark Buerhle (4 year 15 mill per, team option 16 mill), and Jack Wilson (2 years, 2 mill per). (Ok, the Buerhle deal seems retarded, but 4 years 60 million, front loaded, makes it look genius. Do the Opposite of what the Phillies did with Cliff Lee, since we have cash and pay Buerhle more than what he's worth now and less later, yeah it's a strectch, but maybe if the team knows they need to spend to get to a hard salary floor, they do it a year early.)

Astros Announcement Official

Officially today it is announced that the Astros are to leave the NL Central in 2015 to join the AL West. (Hooray, we get to beat on them for the next 3 years while they are still horrible. Oh and even Theo Epstein can't fix the Cubs, so we still have two teams to pound for the next couple of years)

Pirates Indians Finalize Deal

The Pittsburgh Pirates have acquired Grady Sizemore and Matt Laporta today from the Cleveland Indians for Ryan Doumit, Diego Moreno and Gorkys Hernandez. The move enables the Indians to move Carlos Santana to first base fulltime where he can focus on being the feared hitter they need in the heart of there order. Doumit and Sizemore both had their options renewed by their clubs prior to the move. Sizemore's left handed bat should play well in PNC Park and a move to right field should finally give the former gold glover's long ailing knees a break. Fomer top prospect Laporta will platoon at first base with Garret Jones and hopes to continue the tear he was on to finish last season. (Ok, so if you can turn losing Doumit to FA, Moreno to Rule 5 and the fact that Gorkys may never get a shot in our outfield with Marte breathing down his neck, and pick up Matt Laporta and Grady Sizemore, why not do it? Yeah Sizemore's had microfracture knee surgery, but maybe he's next year's Carlos Beltran. Laporta had a .333/.389/.485 line in September in a part time role with Cleveland, and prior to hurting himself in the Pirates series, showed better k/bb ratio of 35/16 than he did after coming back from being hurt. Maybe he can put it all together finally in PGH.)

Andrew McCutchen Signs Longterm with Pirates

Today the Pirates and Andrew McCutchen came to terms on a new 10 year 110 million dollar deal. The deal guarantees 7 years with the final 3 years of the deal being team options. McCutchen will earn 3.5m next season with the first 7 years of the deal guaranteeing Cutch 63.5 million dollars. Pirates fans rejoice knowing the team has locked up their best player until age 32 possibly 35. (So this would put Cutch directly in between Carlos Gonzalez and Justin Upton's deals which seems reasonable since at the time of the signing, he looks better than Upton and slightly worse than Carlos Gonzalez. Cutch gets paid, Pirates look good, everybody wins.)

 

Alright, so maybe we don't see any of those headlines other than the Astros moving and Cutch agreeing to a deal, but hey we can dream. Anyways in the comments section, let me know what reasonable headlines you hope to see soon, debunk mine or comment on how much you hate Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder, Albert Pujols, Tony Larusa, and the Dallas and Detroit metro areas.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the managing editor (Charlie) or SB Nation. FanPosts are written by Bucs Dugout readers.

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