Hyce Brarper, who fell to the number 30 draft pick despite being considered to be one of the best amateur talents to enter the draft in the history of the game, has signed with the Yankees for a record $15 million bonus.

"It's always been my dream to play for the Yankees," Brarper announced, "and for some reason they were the only team willing to meet my bonus demands." Brarper was widely expected to be selected first overall by the Brewers,* but they instead selected the less acclaimed college junior Joe Baslotnik. "To meet Brarper's demands we would've had to pay him $15 milion, plus $15 million in penalties, and give up a high draft pick next year. Brarper looks like an amazing talent, but we just can't afford that." Other small-market teams were reported to have made similar calculations.

Yankees GM Brian Cashman said, "We're very pleased to welcome Brarper into the Yankee fold. Sure, he costs the team $30 million, but we regularly wipe our asses with $30 million -- I mean, we gave $35 mil to Rafael Soriano! We didn't mind giving up our number 30 picks for the next two years; if it weren't for the CBA we wouldn't have those picks at all after signing free agents. So they're basically gravy. Before the new CBA, we succeeded without hardly ever using our own first round pick. We'll be fine."

MLB commissioner Bud Selig praised the Brarper signing as an example of the way the new CBA encourages proper competitive balance.

*I had to include at least one detail that wasn't totally depressing. --WHYGZS