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Around SBN: The Most Dangerous Division in Sports

Ryan Braun was obviously another victim of the "take these steroids without realizing it" guy

As most baseball fans know by now, Milwaukee Brewers slugger and reigning NL MVP Ryan Braun tested positive for performance enhancing drugs (PEDs) and faces a 50 game suspension.

However, Braun denies the validity of the test and says he never knowingly took PEDs. "Knowingly." Get it? Don't you see what's going on here?

I don't have all the facts yet, but Braun's agent did say that there are "unusual circumstances" in this case. You add that to Braun saying he never knowingly took any banned substances and, well, it can only lead me to one conclusion: Ryan Braun is the latest victim of the guy who has been preying on professional athletes for decades. I don't know his name, but he's that guy that always seems to find a way to get these high-profile athletes to take steroids (or other illegal substances) without really knowing what they're taking.

This guy has a history of ruining the reputations of great athletes. He got Barry Bonds to rub performance enhancing cream on his body many years ago.

This guy, this DEMON, must really hate professional cyclists because he's been getting them suspended for years at the Tour de France.

I don't know how this person does it, but apparently, his technique is pretty good. It's not always easy to get athletes to sign autographs or answer questions in the locker room, but this man has perfected the art of just handing them illegal or banned substances and persuading these people to take them without asking any questions.

I'm glad I've never had any contact with this man. Just the other day, my back was hurting me and I asked my friend for ibuprofen. If my friend was that monster, he may have given me a couple of Tylenol PMs and I would have been totally useless at work. Forget suspended, I would have been fired.

I think sports commissioners are looking in the wrong places and targeting the wrong people. Instead of testing these athletes, the innocent victims in all of this, they need to try to stop the "take these steroids without realizing it" guy.

You catch him, urine samples everywhere will be clean forever.




This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the managing editor (Charlie) or SB Nation. FanPosts are written by Bucs Dugout readers.

Comment 34 comments  |  6 recs  | 

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Comments

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I'm sorry, but I don't buy this

I really cannot believe that in this age, after Barry Bonds best defense was “I didn’t know”, that a professional baseball player subject to regular steroid testing doesn’t know EXACTLY what supplements he’s taking and what creams he’s applying to his body. The guys that worked with Barry Bonds was Victor Conte and Greg Anderson. If you ever get the chance to read A Game of Shadows, I strongly recommend it. It provides pretty conclusive evidence that Bonds knew what he was taking was PEDs and that his defense was a load of crap.

Braun is in exactly the same boat for him. Anderson was recently released from prison in April and is still being investigated for charges of tax evasion, so I doubt he’s pushing his limits right now and Victor is SO stigmatized in professional sports (Marion Jones, Giambi, Bonds are just a few huge names whose career crumbled after their association with him) that I doubt he’d be dumb enough to work with him. I don’t know who supplied Braun whatever it is he took, but I honestly believe it was certainly a decision he made fully informed.

The glare of the spotlight is harsh, and the pressure that success breeds immense. We revere our heroes, but expect much. And criticism can come as easily as praise.
Perspectives become reality.
Twitter: @shanecglass

by glass0941 on Dec 13, 2011 10:59 AM EST reply actions  

Think you missed the /sarcasm.

I got a chuckle out of this.

by pskell02 on Dec 13, 2011 11:01 AM EST up reply actions  

...

Yeah, I completely and totally missed the sarcasm in this. Haha I totally missed this one indeed. See what you get for reading baseball blogs during finals week?

The glare of the spotlight is harsh, and the pressure that success breeds immense. We revere our heroes, but expect much. And criticism can come as easily as praise.
Perspectives become reality.
Twitter: @shanecglass

by glass0941 on Dec 13, 2011 9:23 PM EST up reply actions  

No don't be sorry

It was really funny. I’m clearly the one who missed the boat on the sarcasm. Obviously my fault if everyone else caught it. That would be an incredible story though, I can’t imagine seeing that break on TV

The glare of the spotlight is harsh, and the pressure that success breeds immense. We revere our heroes, but expect much. And criticism can come as easily as praise.
Perspectives become reality.
Twitter: @shanecglass

by glass0941 on Dec 13, 2011 10:01 PM EST up reply actions  

Bu bu bu but I'm a douche bag....

…how was I supposed to know I couldn’t use that stuff?

by Brakeman8 on Dec 13, 2011 11:09 AM EST reply actions  

Braun obviously didn’t take steroids. Steroids make your head grow too big, not just your eyes.

Occupy MLB! Down with Seligula!

by WTM on Dec 13, 2011 12:28 PM EST reply actions   1 recs

Excellent advertising placement

Putting the old, but ripped Cenegenics dude at the top of the page with this article. After all, the old dude and Cryin’ Ryan are just using “science.”

by lambert58 on Dec 13, 2011 2:53 PM EST reply actions  

Testosterone Level

I keep hearing that his testosterone levels were 3 times that of a normal man and the highest ever seen in an MLB test. I’m waiting until this plays out more before I start hating Old Bugeyes even more.

by SuperBaes on Dec 13, 2011 6:52 PM EST reply actions  

I have my own theory as to why there was all that "extra" testosterone in him,

but it’s not suitable for printing here.

________________________________
Free your ass and your mind will follow.

by cocktailsfor2 on Dec 13, 2011 10:41 PM EST up reply actions  

If you're thinking what I'm thinking

The “unusual circumstances” has something to do with being in a closet?

by Central*Scrutinizer on Dec 14, 2011 2:14 AM EST up reply actions  

]

________________________________
Free your ass and your mind will follow.

by cocktailsfor2 on Dec 14, 2011 9:39 AM EST up reply actions  

Reply fail

[cough] hotbeefinjection [cough]

________________________________
Free your ass and your mind will follow.

by cocktailsfor2 on Dec 14, 2011 9:40 AM EST up reply actions   3 recs

not suitable for printing here

Does . . . not . . . compute.

Occupy MLB! Down with Seligula!

by WTM on Dec 13, 2011 10:59 PM EST reply actions  

Well, you know me -

I never make wild speculations without concrete evidence.

________________________________
Free your ass and your mind will follow.

by cocktailsfor2 on Dec 14, 2011 9:40 AM EST up reply actions  

hmm

that sounds a bit like speculation on your part sir!

by BlindSquirrel on Dec 14, 2011 7:08 PM EST up reply actions  

I Believe

that the player’s union and players get a list of what vitamins and supplements are okay and everything not on that list should be avoided.

At what point does a player say….well…it’s not on the list, but I think i’ll take it anyway and risk the consequences?

by lfhlaw on Dec 15, 2011 9:41 AM EST reply actions  

Synthetic testosterone is not something you get down at GNC

Or even at weider.com.

His story has got to be something like Barry Bonds: “I let some dude rub me down with this cream, but I had no idea what was in it”.

by maguro on Dec 15, 2011 8:37 PM EST up reply actions  

It has to be the same guy that hacks pro wreslter's twitter accounts

this man is a menance to the world

Players who should be in the Hall of Fame: Pat TIllman, Dwight White, Donnie Shell, L.C. Greenwood, Ray Guy, Steve Tasker, Jack Butler, Greg Lloyd, Andy Russell, Cris Carter, Kevin Greene, Curtis Martin, Willie Roaf, Andre Reed and Jerry Kramer
"Back in my day we killed five hookers and thought nothing of it" Craig James

by WVPiratesfan on Dec 17, 2011 7:08 PM EST reply actions  

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