Let’s face it – it has been a horrendous losing streak. Losing three to the Phillies was not unexpected. But dropping four at home to the Schlubs and facing a sweep by the lowly Padres calls for desperate measures. Bucs Dugout fans must look at what we can do to help the Pirates turn things around. If we don’t support the team, why should the Johnny-come-lately, bandwagon-jumpin’ fan? We shall cheer the Bucs in the sports bars, we shall cheer them at the water cooler, we shall cheer them in the bleachers and the luxury boxes, we shall cheer on sports radio, we shall never surrender, and if this team continues to starve for a win, then our farm system will carry on the struggle, until, in the baseball gods' good time, the new Pirates, with all their power and might, step forth to rescue the fans. Here are some concrete things you can do to help ...
-P- How would early baseball history played out if Babe Ruth was on the Boston Red Sox his entire career? We’ll never know. The team owner, facing a mountain of debt for, I believe, a failed play, sold the “Bambino” to the New York Yankees. That transaction haunted the Red Sox until 2004. Is it possible that the recent DFA of Lyle Overbay caused the current losing streak? Let’s not risk another 18 years or a single game of futility – bombard the front office with e-mails demanding that they bring back Lyle!!
-P- Who is our Bartman? Some Bucs Dugout poster must have done something that is the blogging equivalent of Bartman’s infamous grab. That person must be run out of Dodge (or Pittsburgh), never to interfere with good Pirate karma again.
-P- The Pirates haven’t been cursed by any animals, but just to be safe, hunt down every black cat and billy goat within 50 miles of the stadium. Then we club all the baby seals – my theory is that their sacharine cuteness is sending the batters into a diabetic coma, rendering them harmless at the plate. If all else fails, we must purchase a whaling ship and sail off in a never-ending quest to harpoon the great white whale that utterly destroyed the team’s fortunes – he’s clearly the reincarnation of Sid Bream.
-P- Everyone can make a voodoo doll of one Padres player or coach before today’s game. If used properly, the Pirates will be on the winning end of a 13-2 or 15-5 game to break the streak. Just search the internet for instructions. In addition to helping the Pirates win the game, using voodoo against the Padres sets up the ultimate theological smackdown match.
-P- We all know that baseball players live and die by routines and from reading the game threads, we at Bucs Dugout are routinely drinking. So the key is finding where someone went wrong and changed their game routine. Did C42 drink a vodka tonic instead of a gin and tonic? Did someone drink one of the banned beers? Did someone NOT drink? The only solution appears to be for everyone to figure out what you were drinking during the last game against the Braves and drink like fishes!!!
-P- The last possibility is so dark, so horrible to contemplate, that it could only be true if we resided in a Lovecraftian world of utter chaos and horror. Could this innocent-looking face actually hide a demon? Anyone know a good exorcist in Pittsburgh?