A couple of years ago, DVE did a spoof of "Hey There Delilah" called "Hey Pittsburgh Pirates." Given that the club just lost #82 (again) I feel like it needed an update:

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,

Why are you always so shitty?

You’re sub-.500 yet again,

And even though the whole damn city cheered you so.

This season's now a whole new low,

Say it ain't so.

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates

The fans look close for silver linings.

We see the prospects in the minors

But in the end we're still left pining

For Mike Trout.

The guys we have seem to fall short,

Of Sickels' reports.

Oh, when will you compete?

Oh, when will you compete?

When will you compete?

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,

This season seemed to be so different.

We were 16 up in August

And Neal Huntington looked brilliant

What could go wrong?

Not even we could blow this now,

But we knew how.

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,

Why did you sign Rod Barajas?

Starting him over Mike McKenry

Seemed to always lead to a loss?

Don't act surprised,

Throwing out runners helps you win,

Yeah, this just in.

Oh, when will you compete?

Oh, when will you compete?

Twenty years is a long damn time,

Since last we finished not behind.

But still we all believe

There'll come a day

When others won’t make fun of us,

And fans won’t feel the need to cuss

At the mention of Matt Wieters’ name.

We suffered through Dave Littlefield.

Yet still we can't find our James Shields.

McLouth's leading the O's over the Yanks!

And we're left with Chad Qualls. Gee Thanks.

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,

Must we always wait 'til next year

You'd think dumb luck would be enough

Yet Hurdle's bunts, they lead me to fear

That's just not true.

Were the O's or Athletics really more due,

Does Nick Leyva even have a clue

Waving on runners is not the only thing to do

Putting up the stop sign can be OK too,

We’ve grown too tired to boo,

Too tired to boo.

OHHHHHH, dammit do you suck!

Are you f***ing kidding me?

How do you play two thirds of a season at a 93-win pace and then overnight turn into the Bad News Bears and play the remaining third of the season at a 48 win pace?

National League All-Star Bryce Harper played in 5 games this season against a team that has never had a winning season since he's been ALIVE!

WHAT THE F***!?!?!?!