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Pittsburgh vs. Los Angeles, 26 September 2005

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In a sleazy dive somewhere in greater Pittsburgh, Dave Littlefield slams a bottle of I-C Light down on a bar...

KIP WELLS: Dave, baby, you're drunk. It's time to go home.

LITTLEFIELD: (spitting out his words)WHYshouldIlistentoyou? You (belches)... YoubeentreatinmesoBAD!

WELLS: I... I know. I'm sorry, Dave. I haven't appreciated you. And I apologize. I'm going to be a better pitcher in the future.

LITTLEFIELD: EVERYfreakinday! EVerydamnday, Iminmyofficetryinto... (his body jolts awkwardly as his elbow slips off the bar) EV! RY! DAY! Iminmyofficetryinto... Tryintomakethisfamilybetter, andyou... youTREATmesoBAD...

WELLS: Dave, PLEASE, Dave, you're right, honey, you're right, but this is embarrassing. People are looking at us. Let's go home, Dave, please...

LITTLEFIELD: Youdont...  Doyoueventhinkofthechildren?! YoudontevenTHINKabouttheKIDS, Kip, IgotalltheseROOKiestolookafter. Youdontdoyourpart...

WELLS: Please, Dave, I'm begging you, let's go home...

LITTLEFIELD: (thundering) NO! NO! I AINT! NOTGOINGHOME! Imgonna... Imgonnasingyouasong (points vaguely in direction of karaoke microphone)...

WELLS: No! Please, Dave, no, we're not doing that. (grabs Littlefield by elbow) We're leaving now...

LITTLEFIELD: (shrugging Wells off and walking toward stage) NO! No. Imsinginyouasong.

(The earnest first strains of a country hit are heard through the loudspeakers. Wells holds his head in his hands.)

(The words across the karaoke screen read, "You look so disbelieving at my suitcase by the door")

LITTLEFIELD: Youlookso(inaudible)atmah(microphone feedback)doh...

("My taxi's on its way here. Can't take it anymore")

LITTLEFIELD: MyTAXisonitswayherecantakeit... (begins playing air guitar, stumbles away from microphone).

("Lately you've forgotten what loving me's about")

LITTLEFIELD: .....

("Well, now, you got five minutes to figure it out")

LITTLEFIELD (suddenly stumbling back toward microphone, with left hand raised awkwardly, pinky and index fingers extended): WAHNAWYAGOTFIIIIIIVE! MINAH! TOFIIII... (collapses, falling off stage and into a shallow pool of someone else's spilled Budweiser).