clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Most Well-Reasoned Article of All Time

New, 14 comments

Read this really entertaining atricle.  You'll laugh, you'll cry...probably just cry.

I know that this is an article for the Pirates' website, so they are grasping at straws for good things to say, but this new article has crossed the line that separates stupid and insulting. In short, this article makes me want to vomit, then consume said vomit, then vomit the aforementioned vomit up again.

It starts with the title:

Pirates hope to Motor in Tigers' path
Blossoming talent, guidance of Littlefield have Bucs headed up

W-W-WHAT?  "Blossoming talent" is a vague enough phrase that I could tolerate this writer using it, but why the hell does he have to include Littlefield in all of this?  Is this man related to Littlefield, or something? It is strange how this verbal massage comes on the heels of news that the Nuttings may actually be (Gasp!) dissatisfied with their horrendously inadequate GM...is J. Edgar Hoover involved in all of this somehow, even though he is dead?  That must be it.

Basically, the thrust of this article is that the Tigers went from worst to first, so the Pirates will definitely do that too. The author employs a variety of "evidence" that includes (willfully?) negligent use of statistics, obligatory stupid quotes from baseball managers, and optimism that borders on fanaticism.  I am not sure why all of this burns me so much.  I guess it is because I can see the Pirates justifying another five years of horrible baseball by constantly pointing to the 2006 Detroit Tigers and scolding fans for their impatience.

By the way, I love this picture:

"Yes, hello. Jesus? It's me, Dave.
Yeah, not so good.
Hey, so I've been thinking, I'm going to need you to do that 2006 Tigers thing ASAP..."