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Pirates to Pitch to Billy Crystal Today

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I'm against Billy Crystal suiting up for the Yankees today, but not for the reasons you might think.

I'm all for bizarre events and weird promotional stunts, as long as they happen infrequently enough to remain bizarre. Eddie Gaedel was awesome. Randall Simon smacking a sausage with a bat, also awesome. (Given that no one got hurt, of course.) 3-year-old Darren Baker having to be whisked away from home plate during the playoffs - hilarious!

However, this particular stunt is just stupid. Come on, Yankees, you can do better. Crystal isn't even 60 yet, which presumably means he can still jog a little bit. Why not let a centenarian suit up and let him try to hit? Or a two-year-old? Or the world's tallest man?

These are just off the top of my head! They'd all be weirder and more entertaining than an aging actor who hasn't had a hit - no pun intended - since, what, Analyze That?

The Pirates have had 15 losing seasons in a row. Until it breaks the streak, the organization deserves any silliness another team cares to throw at it. But, gosh, try harder. Who was the World's Biggest Loser on that TV show this season? Why not get that person? Or, say, Beck? Or Jason Biggs?