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Spring Training Weight Watch!

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Hey, it's Spring Training! Guess who lost weight?!

Pedro Alvarez (although he won't say how much)!

Ryan Howard!

Andruw Jones!

Jeff Francoeur!

Brian McCann!

Nick Swisher!

Robinson Cano!

Carlos Silva!

Nate Robertson!

Brian Bruney!

Billy Butler!

Delmon Young!

Franklin Morales!

And in the weight-gain category...

Andrew McCutchen gained weight on purpose!

Joel Zumaya gained weight on purpose!

Gio Gonzalez gained weight on purpose!

Dexter Fowler gained weight on purpose!

I don't think I have to tell you that none of this means anything. Or, rather, we have no idea what any of it means. Some of these players will be better in 2009, and journalists will connect their improvement to their weight loss or gain. Others will play worse, and journalists will connect their decline to their weight loss or gain. Still others will play at about the same level, and journalists will forget that they ever wrote about their weight loss or gain.

We really need better Spring Training articles. Some of these (although not all) are complete wastes of newsprint. These reports about weight can really only hold the interest if the reader mistakenly believes he or she has any idea how to interpret them, or if the reader is interested in players' weights in an OMG-look-at-Kelly-Clarkson's-dress sort of way.