Dear Mom and Dad,
Thanx so much for driving me to the PIRATES game 2nite to hang out with my friends! It was awesome!!!! It seemed like every time I stopped eating Dippin' Dots or pulling bubblegum off my face there was something exciting going on, whether that was a perfectly-placed hit for a single off Paul Maholm, or another perfectly-placed hit for a single off Paul Maholm, or some guy named Cory Luebke striking somebody out, or the same guy named Cory Luebke striking someone else out. I got to see a guy with a .135 batting average hit a grand slam, Ronny Cedeno double-clutching a routine ground ball to allow a totally unnecessary run to score, Ronny Cedeno looking like my 70-year-old pre-algebra teacher while fielding a ground ball, Pedro Alvarez getting into an 0-and-2 count and then waving at a breaking ball in the dirt, Xavier Paul warming up in the bullpen, and the Pirates' hitters racking up 11 strikeouts without ever walking! The score was 13-2, but there was even more excitement than that. It ruled!
And then the best rock band since CREED played!!!! They were amazing! I really loved lyrics like "My feet have been on the floor, flat like an idle singer / Remember Winger? But I digress, I confess you are the best thing in my life." I love when a rock band says something for no reason and then TELLS YOU they are saying something for no reason! Or how about "Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo / The way you move ain't fair, you know." I've never heard Winger or Mr. Mister, but I bet they were both AWESOME!!!! And I loved the way Train mentioned them in ways that were totally pointless! Actually doing something decent is just stupid when you can just mention an '80s band instead! It's like when Ronny Cedeno was in the dugout after he made the errors, and Clint Hurdle was talking to him! Hurdle was probably all like, 'You looked like Brian Bixler on 4 Loko out there,' and Cedeno was all like, 'WHITESNAKE! DOKKEN! NIGHT RANGER!'
Anyway, K thanx bye! Luv you!!!!