Pirates should free themselves from tyranny of 'wins,' 'standings'

Dan Szymborski, of ZiPS fame, had a funny idea last night (and actually, his entire Twitter feed last night is pretty funny):

Just once, I'd like to see a terrible team to simply start *declaring* wins and denouncing official standings as MLB propaganda.

Yes! The tyranny of "standings" have oppressed the Pirates for too long. There is a spectre haunting Pittsburgh -- the spectre of "wins" and "losses"! Why must we accept Major League Baseball's record of events, given that we know its economic system is already rigged against the Pirates? The Pirates ought to declare that, for example, their 7-0 loss to the Brewers last August 26 was actually a win, for our most perfect leader Andrew McCutchen is too powerful to go 0-for-4. Before you know it, "the streak," a bourgeois concept if ever there was one, would be buried in the dustbin of history, and our Pirates would be free from the shackles of despotism.

Dan suggests going even further with the idea -- propaganda posters, pre-game rallies, the works. The Pirates could declare war on other teams, Dan suggests, and annex, say, Cole Hamels.

MLB is already organized in such a way to be massively unfair to certain teams, and the injustices are only getting worse, with the new draft system and the possibility of an international draft. Bucs fans are restless. The conditions are perfect for the team to simply declare that the entire system is based on lies. Do it, Pirates! The people beseech you!