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Bizarre Pirates-Reds homerfest suspended until Tuesday

Joe Robbins

Tonight's ridiculous 10-homer game has been suspended until tomorrow at 5:30 with the score tied 7-7, but it's already provided plenty of excitement. Maybe too much. I don't feel so good. Where's the toilet?

To call Wandy Rodriguez awful tonight would be an insult to awful things like athlete's foot and traffic jams and Guy's American Kitchen & Bar. Rodriguez did, at least, throw strikes, but they were meatballs. As much as Guy Fieri would appreciate meatballs chucked over the plate at 88 MPH, branded with maple, launched into space, smashed into a red seat, and drizzled with cilantro-lime rainwater, I now have a nasty stomachache.

Luckily, the Pirates had some offense of their own, in the form of six (!) solo home runs. Thanks to a two-run Todd Frazier homer, the score was already 2-1 in the second, when Neil Walker and Gaby Sanchez (!!) led off with back-to-back shots.

The game stayed relatively quiet until the fourth, when Frazier hit a ball to right field. Travis Snider dove to catch the ball near the line and the ball hit him in the face (!!!, and yes, Snider was okay, and yes, this was a very GIF-able moment). The ball was initially ruled foul, but the call was overturned on a challenge, and Frazier headed to second. Two batters later, Ryan Ludwick homered on a ridiculously bad changeupy stinker of a pitch from Rodriguez, and the Reds went up 4-3.

That didn't last, as Starling Marte and Snider led off the fifth with back-to-back homers of their own (!!!!) to give the Pirates a 5-4 lead. By this point, the rain was coming down hard, and it looked like the Pirates would just have to get through three more batters to make the game official. On Twitter, I suggested that the Bucs put in a reliever, since Rodriguez looked awful and since the game might well end after five, but the Bucs didn't do that, and Rodriguez gave up a double to Neftali Soto and a homer to Joey Votto to make it 6-5. It was another ridiculous moment in a game that was full of them.

But wait! More craziness ahead! For some reason, the umpires didn't stop the game there, and guess what -- Neil Walker and Gaby Sanchez led off the sixth with back-to-back homers. For the second time in the game. Insanity. What what what what what. WHAT. This was like eating a deep-fried, 68-ounce panther steak smashed into a mound of chile-soy hash browns while being slapped in the face with a wasabi pickle. WHAT. The Pirates were taking this bus straight to flavor town.

Uh, yeah. Except then Bryan Morris entered the game, got two outs ... and gave up a solo homer to Devin Mesoraco, tying the game. Morris retired the final out out of the sixth, and the umps finally suspended it.

I greatly look forward to watching the rest of this game tomorrow, and I anticipate both teams' staffs throwing 16 straight perfect innings before one team or the other loads the bases in the 23rd and hits a 600-foot grand slam to end it. Because that's just the way the Pirates and Reds roll. The rest of this game is going to be 118 pounds of ground beef smashed into a segway, shot through a ring of fire, and doused with eight tons of Miracle Whip dumped from a bulldozer. That sauce is money.