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Pirates lose 11-10 in 13 innings

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Look, I drove four hours today, then got home at 8:00. I arrived an hour into the game, then watched another four-plus hours. It's one o'clock in the morning. I don't have the time or the brain-space to chronicle every weird thing that happened in this game. Nobody does. If you feel like you really need that, consult your psychologist.

The Pirates lost 11-10 in 13 innings. You can probably extrapolate from there. But here, I'll help.

-P- Pedro Alvarez hit a three-run bomb in the third.

-P- The Pirates scored twice on wild pitches in the fifth.

-P- The Pirates blew an 8-2 lead. (And it would have been much worse had it not been for a huge sliding catch by Andrew McCutchen in the fifth.)

-P- Chris Stewart advanced to third base somehow.

-P- Giants backup catcher Hector Sanchez had four hits.

-P- Neil Walker had a 14-pitch at-bat that lasted something like ten minutes and featured about four pitches in the strike zone. He struck out.

-P- Madison Bumgarner and Gerrit Cole both pinch-hit. (Cole, like the mensch he is, got a hit.)

-P- The winning run came in on a sacrifice bunt by former Pirates minor-league reliever Jean Machi, who made contact with the ball as he was backing out of the batter's box. Jared Hughes' throwing error then allowed Pence to score.

-P- The game featured a matchup between Hughes and Pence, two of the game's most demented-looking players. It was like some bizarre piece of Penguins fan fiction involving Brooks Orpik cornering a confused hunting dog. PETA would not have approved. Fortunately, it was well after midnight at the time.

-P- Jeanmar Gomez pitched well, because of course he did. All the other pitchers were bad, because of course they were. (Jeff Locke struck out five and walked none in his season debut, but ended up giving up six runs.)

-P- If you watched the ROOT broadcast, you heard an out-of-context joke about a "butterscotch interior" about 42 times.

-P- This game featured 36 hits. Let's say 90 of those involved broken bats.

If you need more than that, please consult my Twitter account. I feel dazed. I'm going to bed.