Pirates get overrun by Braves 14-2

I have noted this before, but it bears repeating: Every time someone notes that something’s never happened, it invariably happens.

This time, it was Greg Brown invoking that in the long history of Pirates/Braves, going all the way back to when the Pirates were the Alleghenys and the Braves were the Boston Beaneaters, the Braves had never swept a series against the Pirates.

I was mentally hissing “shut up, Brownie,’ because let’s be honest, we all saw this coming.

We really did mean to put up a recap of last night’s game, but things fell through the cracks. You can guess the outcome if you didn’t watch.

And yes, the Braves completed their first-ever sweep of the Pirates at PNC Park to the point that announcers Greg Brown and Matt Capps were talking about everything but the game and even got in what could be perceived as digs on current ownership and management towards the end. That tends to happen when you drop the last game of a series 14-2.

Mitch Keller wasn’t awful; he was just not sharp against a very good team, and they made him pay. Not that current scapegoat Josh Vanmeter helped, with two very dumb errors in the fourth that opened the Braves’ scoring floodgates. I have a theory that management is making sure Bligh Madris is on solid ground at first base before DFAing Vanmeter, and I’m sticking by that.

The cherry on the blowout sundae was Matt Olson’s grand slam in the eighth inning off Cam “Dude, I Forgot You Were Still On The Team” Vieux.

Not that there weren’t any Pirates highlights. This is the one that trended on Twitter:

This was only a single, lest you get too excited. Exit velocity really means nothing and I honestly doubt this was the hardest ball ever hit, just the hardest after someone decided that exit velocity should be recorded. I am old, I have the right to think this is a dumb stat. My younger colleagues would undoubtedly—and vociferously—disagree.

The only Pirates offense came, as it often has this season, in the ninth. Kevin Newman hit his first homer of the season—and first in nearly a year—to at least ensure the Pirates wouldn’t be shut out. Ben Gamel singled, and Ke’bryan Hayes doubled to bring him home. Fittingly, Vanmeter flied out to end the misery game.

I don’t know which coach’s head is going to roll first, but if you’re a betting person, you might want to put money on Oscar Marin. You probably wouldn’t go wrong with Andy Haines either.